The fresh dew glistens
on the orange grass,
the suns stealing a peak
over walking hills,
while animals fly,
circling over the reservoir
under a full moon.
and a screech from the clouds filled
the air.
slightly muffling the sound
of the trickling water,
falling
with almost no rhythm.
Bang, Bang-Bang, the guns fire, and the wars begin again!
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
"the suns stealing a peak" - this makes sense but sounds odd.
"over walking hills," - brilliant metaphor.
"under a full moon.
and a screech from the clouds filled" - capital for "and", i don't like sentences beginning with "and".
"slightly muffling the sound " - capital again.
I've read something similar to this before but I can't remember what it was. I thought this was excellent, the juxtaposition was well orchestrated . The imagery is brilliant as I said before. Very inventive.